If you haven’t heard, there’s this bug going around called the Coronavirus. This ungrateful son of a bitch took many things from me recently. It took my job, my freedom, and dammit it took away the one thing that gives me joy every year, and that’s baseball. One week from today, the Cleveland Indians were set to open up the season against the Detroit Tigers. Shane Bieber would’ve been working his sweet, sweet magic on the mound, Frankie Lindor would’ve been struttin’ his smile all over the ballpark, Jose Ramirez would’ve had the biggest chaw in you’ve ever seen, and Tito’s shiny bald head would be glowing in all of its glory. But no, we can’t have that because Chad needs to celebrate Spring Break in Miami.
But all is not lost folks! We can look back on the past and reminisce of the good times! Being in the ballpark, beer in hand, and praying to god that there’s a bench-clearing brawl. That’s right, we’re gonna look back on some of the best fights in baseball history. Let’s begin.
Cincinnati Reds vs Pittsburg Pirates
This brawl was amazing. It literally has everything you could ever ask for. You have actual fists being thrown and connecting to faces, you have players just jumping and diving into piles strictly to inflict pain with their 210 lb frame, and you’ve even got the coaches fighting! But the best part about this fight is that you have an absolute beef castle of a man in Yasiel Puig taking on the entire staff of the Pittsburg Pirates. This was the moment I knew that the Trevor Bauer trade wasn’t so bad. Puig is a man for the people of Cleveland and I’m gonna miss that man very much.
Toronto Blue Jays vs Texas Rangers
Ahhh yes, this is another great fight. Nothing brings more joy to my life than seeing Jose “Joey Bats” Bautista being punched in the face. Why? Because he’s a scumbag. I’m sure it’s not hard to figure out by just watching the video, but if you’ve ever played baseball and had someone slide directly into you to disrupt a double play, it’s grounds for a brawl. Not to mention the bat flip that Jose introduced to the league that set ablaze a fire in my soul every time he went yard against my team. Odor had every right in the unwritten rules of baseball (shoutout Alex Bregman) for feeding Bautista a knuckle-sandwich. Great fight, I could watch it over and over again.
Nolan Ryan vs The Chicago White Sox
Such a great fight. You’ve got young as hell Robin Ventura charging the mound to fight the legend, Nolan Ryan. The best part about this video is Nolan Ryan looks like a factory worker who’s two weeks away from retiring and he’s fighting the entire White Sox organization. Puig must’ve taken a page out of Ryan’s book because not only did Ryan give out some blows, he took some and kept on coming forward! The man’s an animal! Did you see the blood coming from his face? Mans out here looking like Rocky when he fought Ivan Drago.
New York Yankees vs Baltimore Orioles
What’s cool about this fight is that it’s between two teams who hate each other. Then again, that’s easy to say because everyone hates the Yankees. I love the fact that during this fight the umpires just stood on the foul line and didn’t do anything about it. Anyway, the Yankees suck.
San Diego Padres vs Atlanta Braves
This fight couldn’t get any more 80’s if it tried. You’ve got the fat umpire rolling around on the ground trying to break it up, every player looks like they do porn and rip at least 20 cigarettes a day, you have what looks like someone’s mom trying to break up the fight and just getting absolutely crushed by 10 dudes stomping on her…turns out later in the video you find out that woman is a dude. You have fans throwing beer on the fight, people getting arrested, hell even the bat boy got involved and was slinging his forearm cast around cracking skulls, and every now and then just when you think it’s over, they deliver again with another brawl. Just amazing. What’s even funnier is they continued play and the relief pitcher sent in had the nickname “the goose”. Unrelated? Sure, but what a wild nickname.
I hope that this brought you some joy in being able to see baseball again despite the world coming to an end. I am sure that there are other fights that come to mind when you read this article, so comment below some of your fondest memories of bench-clearing brawls. In the meantime, thanks for reading, stay safe and wash your damn hand’s people.
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